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Baseball Analysis  Mike McCann / Minor Leagues

May 2002


By Abby Harris (for Mike McCann)

Every month, Mike writes his little article about baseball. Sure, it sounds fun on paper (or computer screen), but imagine actually having to go on this insane quest of his. Imagine of having to schedule work, business trips, family, and friends around the baseball season. Try telling your mother that you'd rather go to Casper, Wyoming to see a game than to her Fourth of July party. Now imagine what it must be like for the people who are dragged along to the games. They have it the worst. First, if you are anything like Mike, you bug them about seeing games constantly. Would they ever want to go to Georgia? If not, how about Oklahoma? Second, if they are anything like me, they don't like baseball. They don't want to go. But sometimes they'll give in and go, if only to keep you happy. They know you have a sickness.

I am one of the aforementioned people who are dragged to baseball games. I'll be honest: I think baseball sucks. Maybe it's because I'm not a sports person and don't have enough information about sports to judge. Perhaps baseball is some fantastic activity and I can't see the light. However, I stand by my original statement. Baseball moves too slowly to be interesting. I have a tendancy to blank out for several innings (this, however, can be a good thing, because half a game can pass while I'm in my baseball blackout, and when I awake I have a sense of accomplishment, like I made time pass faster).

The most interesting thing about baseball are the mascots. Some are very entertaining while others are dull. Teams with uninteresting and uncute mascots, should they read this piece, should contact me at once so I can suggest replacements. For instance, Durham had a stupid mascot, the Bulls. Not original in the least. Why not the Durham Baby Cows? How about the Durham Veal? The possibilites are endless. There are some mascots that have been overused and should be banned from the minor leagues. Just so there's no confusion as to what these are, I have compiled a list: bulls, sharks, Native Americans, hawks, eagles and anything having to do with the Wild West. The best mascot I saw was the Lynchburg Hillcats, or Hillkitties, if you will. But Lynchburg is not for the faint-hearted. Be prepared to hear the rebel yell from several spectators.

And that's all I, the reluctant spectator, have to say about baseball. I only have so much material; I pretty much refuse to accompany Mike to games. So, I hope by reading this you've learned what it's like for the rest of us when you embark on that baseball quest. It can be harmful to your relationship, and to your sanity. I know for a fact that Mike went insane quite a few years ago, and very few women will date him. It's all because of baseball.

Thank you for your time, and remember, friends do not let friends go on baseball quests.

I am always looking for topics to write about, so please send me an email and let me know what would be interesting reading for you. Feel free to ask any questions or give an idea for a column.

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