AN ARTICLE FROM THE BASEBALL MAGAZINE:JULY

ONEMOREINNING

HA, HA, HA

SOME GREAT BASEBALL JOKES AND SOME NOT SO GREAT BASEBALL JOKES!

 

A pitcher was having problems at the beginning of the game. Finally the catcher came over and said, “I know what your problem is. You lose control at precisely the same time in all your games.” “Oh yeah, and when does that happen?” asked the pitcher.  “As soon as the National Anthem is over” was the reply.

 

FAMOUS COMMENTS:

I watch a lot of baseball on the radio: GERALD FORD

Well that kind of puts a damper on another Yankee win: PHIL RIZZUTO hearing the Pope had just died.

They brought me up with the Brooklyn Dodgers which at that time was in Brooklyn: CASEY STENGEL

The secret of managing is to keep the guys who hate you away from the guys who are undecided: STENGEL.

It’s a beautiful day for a night game: FRANKIE FRISCH.

 

IT was time for the asylum to go to their annual ballgame. For months the director had been teaching the patients how to act. At the game everything was going well. When the National Anthem started the director called out, “Up nuts” and up they went. At the end of the Anthem he shouted “Down nuts” and down they sat. During the seventh inning stretch, “Stretch nuts” and then “Sit nuts.” Getting hungry he left to get a hotdog and when he returned there was pande-

monium going on. He rushed over to his assistant and asked him what had gone wrong. The assistant replied, “Things were going well until this guy came by and yelled, “Peanuts.”

 

THE ONE AND ONLY YOGI  BERRA:

Baseball is 90% mental. The other half is physical.

We made too many wrong mistakes.

You can observe a lot by just watching.

No one goes to that park anymore. It’s too crowded.

If the people don’t want to come out to the park, nobody’s gonna stop them.

 

YANKEE JOKES BY RED SOX FANS;

How do you make a Yankee fan laugh on Monday?    Tell him a joke on Friday.

How can you tell if George Steinbrenner is lying?        When his lips are moving.

How can you make a Yankee fans eyes light up?        Shine a light into his ear.

Make sure you always drive with a Yankee fan.           You can always park in a handicap zone.

 

KILL THE UMPIRE:

We know you’re blind Ump. Look at your wife.

Not to worry Ump.  I didn’t know what was going on in my first game either.

A NIGHT GAME: Hey Ump, how can you sleep with all those Stadium lights on?

Will you let me pet your seeing eye dog at the end of today’s game?

You didn’t work as a lookout at Pearl Harbor did you?

If you decide to donate your eyes to science forget it. Nobody wants them.

When the next pitch comes in you’re allowed to open those things in your face…oh that’s right it’s your eyes.

I guess you can get better….this can’t be it!

 

INSULTS:

Do know why it’s so hot in Detroit ball games. No fans in the stands.

I called the Marlins to find out what time their games start. The answer was, “When can you get here?”

Tampa Bay must really be trying. They just put in a new pitching machine. Too bad it beat them 6-1.

Bill Buckner tried to kill himself by jumping in front of a bus. Not to worry. It went through his legs.

Jose Offerman and Michael Jackson have one thing in common. They both wear gloves and nobody knows why!

What’s the difference between a frank at Yankee Stad. & one at Fenway Park? You can get the Stad. frank in Oct.

Pete Rose was told that he now had a chance to make the HOF. He answered back,”Wanna Bet?”

 

The baseball game was about to start and out walks this dog and he starts taking his warm-up pitches. Near the end of the game it’s apparent the dog is terrific. He’s struck out 15 batters, and hit a couple of homeruns. One fan turns to a man sitting next to him and says, “This dog is incredible!” The man answers by saying, “That’s very true but his owners are very disappointed in him. They had hopes he would be a quarterback.” 

 

MORE RED SOX YANKEE JOKES:

How do you know if  you get a  fax by a Yankee fan? Look for a stamp.

If  a Yankee fan and a Giant fan go over a bridge who is the first to fall? Who gives a damn?

The Yankee marketing dept. has a big problem.   Being literate.

 

MORE QUOTES:

Our team has very deep depth: YOGI BERRA

Being with a woman never hurt no ballplayer. Looking for one all night is what does him in: STENGEL

Little League baseball is a very good thing because it keeps the parents off the streets: YOGI BERRA

 

LET’S PICK ON THE METS:

Mike Piazza was trying to get his degree. He was asked what was 16-3. He answered, “NINE” and his teammates cried out, “Let him try again.” The next question was how much is 3+11. Mikes answer was, “NINE” and once again his teammates said, “Let him try again.” Finally he was asked how much was 3x3 and once again his answer was, “NINE” and his teammates said,”Let him try again.”

 

Sitting together in a bar are Harmon Killebrew, Steve Garvey, and Pete Rose. A beautiful woman passes by and Killebrew says, “She’s really some looker, maybe I’ll ask her if she wants to go out with me.” “No good,” says Garvey, “She’s pregnant with my baby.” At that Pete Rose looks up and says, ‘Want to bet on it?”

 

AND NOW TO MY FAVORITE:

DICK AND BILL WERE LIFELONG FRIENDS. WHEN DICK HEARD THAT BILL WAS DYING OF AN INCURABLE ILLNESS HE CAME TO HIM WITH THIS REQUEST. “WHEN YOU GET TO HEAVEN PROMISE ME YOU’LL COME BACK TO ME AND LET ME KNOW IF THEY HAVE BASEBALL IN HEAVEN BECAUSE IF THEY DON’T I’M NOT GOING THERE.”

BILL PROMISED BUT THREE WEEKS AFTER HIS DEATH DICK STILL HAD NOT HEARD FROM HIM. AT BILLS GRAVESITE DICK LAMENTED, “BILL IT’S BEEN THREE WEEKS AND STILL NO WORD FROM YOU.” AT THAT MOMENT THERE WAS THUNDER AND LIGHTNING, THE SKIES OPENED UP, AND THERE WAS BILL. “BILL YOU’VE COME BACK. SO IS THERE BASEBALL IN HEAVEN?

BILL: “I’VE GOT GOOD NEWS AND I’VE GOT BAD NEWS. THE GOOD NEWS IS YES, THEY PLAY BASEBALL IN THE MORNING, THEY HAVE 2 MORE GAMES IN THE AFTERNOON & A GAME AT NIGHT TOO.     DICK: “THAT’S GREAT, SO WHATS THE BAD NEWS?”

BILL:  “THE BAD NEWS IS YOU’RE PITCHING TUESDAY.”